Words&Dirt

Summary:

Elaine N. Aron’s The Highly Sensitive Person presents Aron’s theory and research on ”highly sensitive persons” (HSPs). Aron claims that HSPs comprise about 15-20% of the general population, with roughly another 20% being “moderately” sensitive. HSPs tend to “pick up on the subtleties that others miss” and “arrive quickly at the level of arousal past which [they] are no longer comfortable” (20). This double-edged trait can be the source of incredible insight and creativity, but can also result in deep discomfort and suffering. Written in a nurturing style that assumes the reader is themself an HSP, The Highly Sensitive Person describes the qualities found in most HSPs and gives sound advice on how they can manage and make the most of their trait.

Key Concepts and Notes:

• This book is over 20 years old, so I’m unsure if Aron’s concept of a “highly sensitive person” would meet today’s standards of construct validity and reliability. I’m also unsure if her findings are generalizable outside of the United States, although the book does include a smattering of references to research in other places such as China, Japan, and Europe. The core of Aron’s argument is that HSPs experience higher-than-average levels of physiological arousal, which causes them to perceive environmental nuances and feel emotions more intensely compared to less sensitive people. Aron also includes somewhat dated sections on the biology and neuroscience of HSPs, specifically how they respond differently to stress, psychotropic medications, allergies, and physical pain. As far as I can tell, the idea is scientifically sound and worth taking seriously. However, I don’t think Aron provides convincing support for her claim that HSPs are “a distinct genetic ‘breed’” of humans (29).
• Aron makes strong critiques of American culture that I think have aged well––primarily that it typically fails to acknowledge and nurture the considerable potential of HSPs, instead mislabeling them as merely “weak” or “too fragile.” For HSPs without sufficient social and/or material support, this can result in periods or even entire lifetimes of psychological anguish and interpersonal dysfunction. In the presence of adequate support, however, HSPs thrive and often develop impressive levels of mastery in their vocational and avocational pursuits.
• There’s also a recurring theme focused on the structural presence of “warrior classes” and “advisor classes” throughout the history of human civilizations. Aron hypothesizes that HSPs are descendants of the latter class––cautious and observant by nature and adept at strategic calculation. This claim is unfalsifiable but I also think it has pretty good face validity. I enjoyed it as a useful narrative speculation about why HSP traits may have been successful over the course of humanity’s biological and cultural evolution.
• Aron’s advice for how to understand high sensitivity and live as an HSP seems solid. I especially enjoyed the sections on learning to “reparent” oneself via a metaphorical understanding of one’s body as an infant that we are entrusted to care for; the suggestion that HSPs should focus on striking a healthy balance between being “in too much” and “out too much” in their engagement with the world; and the notion that relationships, vocations, locations, and intellectual pursuits can all be considered different types of “safe containers” to which HSPs can retreat in times of overwhelm.
• Much of the book is attachment psychology directed toward self-care in a way that anyone can benefit from. The general message is that HSPs should cultivate secure attachments as much as possible, avoid situations in which their level of physiological arousal tends to become unmanageable, and seek to minimize both acute and chronic stress. It might be more important for HSPs to adhere to these recommendations, but doing so would probably benefit the vast majority of people regardless of their level of sensitivity.
• Unfortunately, The Highly Sensitive Person goes off the rails a bit in the last chapter. Aron begins with the dubious claim that HSPs are “more soulful and spiritual” than non-HSPs (209). She talks a lot about how HSPs have more rich and fulfilling spiritual lives, but assumes this must be due to some of kind inherent spiritual maturity or attunement; she doesn’t consider the possibility that this might be because HSPs are more prone to delusions or hallucinations that then get retroactively tagged as “spiritual” experiences––an explanation that seems both more obvious and more scientific to me.
• I generally enjoyed Aron’s discussion of how HSPs can seek “wholeness” through the “four functions” of “sensing, intuiting, thinking, and feeling,” but I also think her language gets sloppy here due to her failure to explain how each of these functions is distinct from the others (221).
• Aron’s Jungian influence, which serves her well earlier in the book, coaxes her into questionable discussions of dream analysis, “synchronicities” (i.e. mysterious coincidences), and other bits of psychobabble that feel decidedly pseudoscientific. Ironically, my skeptical mindset is particularly “sensitive” to these types of terms, so take my critiques with a grain of salt. But I do think the book would be better if the last chapter was either edited severely or excised entirely.

Favorite Quotes:

You pick up on the subtleties that others miss and so naturally you also arrive quickly at the level of arousal past which you are no longer comfortable. That first fact about you could not be true without the second being true as well. It’s a package deal, and a very good package.

It’s also important that you keep in mind that this book is about both your personal innate physical trait and also about your frequently unappreciated social importance. You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders of your society. (20)

The way to come to tolerate and then enjoy being involved in the world is by being in the world. (52)

The physical containers may seem the most reliable and valuable, especially to the infant/body self. It is the intangible ones, however, that are really the most reliable. There are so many accounts of people who maintained their sanity by retreating into such containers while under extreme stress or danger. Whatever happened, nothing and no one could take from them their private love, faith, creative thinking, mental practice, or spiritual exercise. Part of maturing into wisdom is transferring more and more of your sense of security from the tangible to the intangible containers. (60-1)

Another, equally important part of growing up is no longer pretending we will be able to do absolutely everything. Life is short and filled with limits and responsibilities. We each get a piece of the “good” to enjoy, just as we each contribute a piece of that good to the world. But none of us can have it all for ourselves or do it all for others. (70)

In my opinion, all HSPs are gifted because of their trait itself. But some are unusually so. Indeed, one reason for the idea of “liberated” HSPs was the seemingly odd mixture of traits emerging from study after study of gifted adults: impulsivity, curiosity, the strong need for independence, a high energy level, along with introversion, intuitiveness, emotional sensitivity, and nonconformity. (128-9)

Psychotherapy is not necessarily about fixing problems or alleviating symptoms. It can also be about gaining insight, wisdom, and developing a partnership with your unconscious. (183)

Psychotherapy in its broadest sense is a collection of paths toward wisdom and wholeness…This big, beautiful wilderness lets us travel through all kinds of terrain. We camp happily for a while with anything useful––books, courses, and relationships. We become companions with experts and amateurs discovered along the way. It’s a good land. (185)

The pursuit of wholeness is really a kind of circling closer and closer through different meanings, different voices. One never arrives, yet gets a better and better idea of that which is at the center. But if we really circle, there is little chance for arrogance because we are passing through every sort of experience of ourselves. This is the pursuit of wholeness, not perfection, and wholeness must by definition include the imperfect…

In getting to know our shadow, the idea is that it is better to acknowledge our unpleasant or unethical aspects and keep an eye on them rather than to throw them out the front door “for good,” only to have them slip in the back when we are not looking. Usually the people who are the most dangerous and in danger, morally speaking, are those who are certain they would never do anything wrong, who are totally self-righteous and have no idea that they have a shadow or what it is like. (218-9)

The day always comes when the warrior-kings are glad we have enough inner life to share it with them, just as there are days when we are glad for their specialty. Here’s to our partnership.

Now, may your sensitivity be a blessing to you and others. May you enjoy as much peace and pleasure as is possible in this world. And may more and more of the other worlds open to you as the days of your life pass. (231)

Rating: 7/10